Quick jokes

[Blue Moon]

Girl walks into a bar and asks for a Double Entendre, so the barman gave her one

[JaneB]

Against my better judgement.......

[chrisb]

How do get Pikachu on a bus?

 

Pokemon!

[Ham]

2 hours ago, chrisb said:

How do get Pikachu on a bus?

 

Pokemon!

🙈

[east lower]

So under @JaneB's instructions to lighten up:

The wife just called and said that if I wasn't home in 10 minutes, she'd give the dinner to the dog..........................................had to rush back double quick, poor dog's done nothing to deserve that!

My masseuse has just been sacked ..................... must have rubbed too many people up the wrong way!

There's plenty more that bad.......... might want to re-vist that lighten up comment and just let us be tetchy with each other 😉

Edited August 17, 2024 by east lower

[Ham]

I saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified!

[Mark Kelly]

I went out for a succulent chinese meal last night 

When I told the waiter the chicken was rubbery he said *thanks very much ". 

[east lower]

A dung beetle walked into a bar and asked the bar tender................. is that stool taken?

[Ham]

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver. 

Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

[chara]

39 minutes ago, Ham said:

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver. 

Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

Ham..that is disgraceful...go to your room!

You are ALL "very naughty boys",,there is no place for humour or disgraceful puns on this serious Forum..whatever next!

Edited August 17, 2024 by chara

[chara]

@JaneB....why the confused thingy?....only trying to bring a more sensible and sober view point to the issues...THEY are a very unruly bunch!..Puns and jokes ? Disgraceful.

Edited August 17, 2024 by chara

[east lower]

What did Spartacus say when a lion ate his wife?

Nothing at all……………he was just gladiator!

 

Is your wife dissatisfied with your body?

A tiny part of you says maybe.

 

Why did the cows return to the field with marijuana growing in it?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

[chrisb]

What did the cow win an award for?

 

Being out standing in her field.

[east lower]

I hear there was a reason for Enzo Fernández's lack lustre display yesterday, he'd had to get rid of the families pet tortoise.........................f*****g thing kept running away and he couldn't catch it!

[Bob Singleton]

Great news for those a bit strapped for cash.

Tesco are offering free Turkeys for anyone who can run faster than the security guard.

[Bob Singleton]

❝I'd like to claim asylum❞

[Ham]

25 minutes ago, Bob Singleton said:

❝I'd like to claim asylum❞

I reckon that's been photoshopped.  

[Blue Moon]

Agreed. Putin would never allow flowers in the Kremlin 

[blueandproud]

Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester United Football Clubs!